


Broken (Like Me)

by CapricornBookworm



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Life After Hogwarts, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sleeping Together, Supportive Boyfriend Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 11:36:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16491824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapricornBookworm/pseuds/CapricornBookworm
Summary: It was in the middle of some truly mind-blowing sex that Draco had his first panic attack.





	Broken (Like Me)

****

_I like that you’re broken_  
_Broken like me_  
_Maybe that makes me a fool_

****

It was in the middle of some truly mind-blowing sex that Draco had his first panic attack.

Harry had noticed that Draco seemed to be fidgeting more than usual, almost as if his skin was crawling with an itch he couldn’t scratch, but it wasn’t until he started shaking violently, his grey eyes blown wide with an unmistakable look of fear, that Harry paused, his heartbeat thundering rapidly in his chest.

“Draco… Draco, are you alright?”

Instead of replying, Draco merely shook in Harry’s arms, his chest rising and falling at a speed that looked unsafe, tension and uncertainty seeping from his skin onto Harry’s, giving Harry the sensation of teetering on the edge of a tall building, almost falling forward toward the ground below, almost falling back, all that was solid crumbling beneath his feet.

Harry pulled out of Draco as gently as he could, taking care to watch for any changes in Draco’s face as they disconnected. A look of concern flickered over Draco’s features but it was quickly replaced by relief when Harry had pulled out entirely. 

“Would you like me to hold you?” Harry asked, trying to keep his voice quiet and steady, absently rubbing his fingers over the soft arch of Draco’s foot as he spoke.

“I - I’m not sure.”

Harry let out a breath, “That’s okay. Would you like to try? You can always chuck me off the bed if you decide you’d rather I leave.”

Something akin to a smile pulled lightly at the corner of Draco’s lips, although it didn’t reach his eyes, a shaking fear still evident in his gaze. He nodded after a moment, turning over onto his side and curling into himself. 

Harry let Draco settle himself on the bed before he climbed up behind him, limbs unsure of where to be, where to touch.

Before Harry could do more than rest a hesitant hand on the curve of Draco’s hip, Draco was reaching back and grabbing Harry’s arm, drawing it around himself like an anchor. 

Harry let himself be pushed and pulled wherever Draco needed him to be. 

They spent the next hour in bed together, not fucking, not talking, sometimes not even touching.

Draco couldn’t verbalize what he needed but he knew how to get it. 

He shifted around on the bed, initially seeking out the warmth of Harry’s chest, then moving restlessly away from Harry and beginning to roll the sheets between his fingers, back and forth in a rhythmic motion.

Harry simply watched and breathed.

At one point, Draco crawled over toward Harry, pushing him flat onto his back and straddling his hips, breathing unsteady as his eyes darted wildly over Harry’s naked form. 

Without words, Draco reached back and guided Harry’s cock back inside himself, slim arms clutching for purchase on Harry’s chest, his nails scratching idly over the dark hair that covered it.

Harry was unsure what to do. He knew that Draco’s panic attack was far from over, could feel that in the tremble of his arms and see it in the quiver of his lip. But he also wanted to give Draco whatever he needed.

Just as he had before, Harry laid back and let Draco take. 

This wasn’t the time to moan with pleasure as Draco’s arse clenched around him, and it wasn’t the time for him to clutch onto Draco’s waist - as he so desperately wanted to - and fuck his cock up into him more fully. 

Draco rode him slowly, his rate irregular. Sometimes he slowed down, eyes fluttering shut as he grinded forward with Harry’s length fully inside of him. And sometimes he sped up, lifting his hips up and down quickly so that his arse slid over Harry’s cock, building up a heat that had Harry’s toes curling.

All the while, Harry remained silent, a reassuring presence available at Draco’s fingertips. 

Harry had dealt with a fair number of panic attacks over the years, and he knew that the things your body did during an attack were irrational, unhinged; but each movement was in search of something that would ground you, pull you back from where you hovered above your body, pull you back to a place where you felt safe and steady. 

So, Harry allowed himself to be the comfort and calm that Draco needed.

When Draco’s skin grew clammy, his palms slick with a cool sweat and his eyes filling with tears, Harry rolled them gently over, guiding Draco to lie back with a hand stroking firmly at the base of his neck, petting over the fine hairs as if to say, _It’s okay. You are safe with me._

Draco worried his bottom lip between his teeth until he broke the skin, but Harry swiped away the drop of blood with his finger, pressing a chaste kiss to Draco’s swollen lips. 

For a while, Draco fell asleep and Harry wondered if the panic had passed, but a half hour later Draco woke up once more, thrashing around until he was tangled up in the sheets, crying out as if in pain as tears trailed down his cheeks.

Draco ended up ripping off all of the sheets and throwing them into a heap on the floor, getting back up onto the bare mattress afterwards and curling himself around a sheet-less pillow.

Harry took a second to watch him, gaze falling on Draco’s wilted posture, his hair tangled where it was usually perfectly coiffed, his cheeks blotchy and pink where they were usually pure white marble. 

He looked small and vulnerable in the middle of the bed, as if the mattress would swallow him up like quicksand if Harry turned away for even a moment.

A hoarse voice broke through Harry’s train of thought, “Come lie with me.”

Harry walked over to the side of the bed, placing a knee on the edge but hesitating before he climbed up, “Are you sure?”

Draco craned his neck back toward Harry, an annoyed furrow in his brow, “Well, I wouldn’t have told you to if I wasn’t sure.”

Harry bit back a smile as he climbed onto the mattress beside Draco, curling around him until their limbs were intertwined, their breathing falling into sync for the first time since Draco’s attack had started.

The spark of sass and twinge of annoyance in Draco’s voice made Harry’s heart beat more steadily, soothed the worries clouding his mind. 

Harry fell asleep a few minutes later with Draco in his arms, the pair of them still lying on a bare mattress with the sheets strewn all over the floor. 

They were both a little bit broken. But maybe that’s what made them such a good match.

****

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who struggles with panic attacks, I wanted to write a fic to represent what it can feel like/look like. 
> 
> Title and lyrics from 'Broken' by lovelytheband
> 
> Comments and kudos brighten my day <3


End file.
